Gluesticks - If you really want to laugh...you gotta read this.?

If you really want to laugh...you gotta read this.?

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - the Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. Read on. My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, and play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: 'Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet.' So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those 'cold wax' kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!) So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ('Cold wax,' yeah.. Right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. IT WORKS! Ok, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire. With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down the inside of my butt cheek (it *was* a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself.... RRRRRRIIIIIIPPPPPP! I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!!.....OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!! Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted. I think I may pass out..must stay conscious.. must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums???? Breathe, breathe.OK, back to normal. I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip. There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX? Slyly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip.. It's not!! I touch. I am touching wax. I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake... remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down. Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut! I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do next and think to myself 'Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!' What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right? *WRONG!* I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub..in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom! I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter, "'So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!" There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located. "Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?" She's laughing out loud by now... I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH, RIGHT! I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through the various solutions, I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better than having your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event. My friend is st

Public Comments

After all that barely believable narrative I still don't see a question nor a laugh.
That is so long, but made me smile!
I laughed. I laughed hard, at your expense.
had you run out of room? you stop suddenly
This is a riot! You have the makings of the best stand-up for women in a long time -- I guess whoever said that comedy and comedians are born of hurt and pain knew exactly what they were talking about! Very funny stuff -- thanks for the laugh!
A bit funny...however, this is NOT a question...and I don't know where you copied and pasted from but it is severely exaggerated. Wax from wax strip or any wax for that matter comes off with warm water...unless you are using SURGI-WAX....now that stuff never comes off...and it hurts!
wow yeah i laughed
LMAO....I thought that was hilarious....but it ended abruptly!
oh......my..........gosh i feel your pain even though i dont lol that sounds horrible but i never would have done that i mean waxing you hooha as you call it i mean the hair there is soooo sensitive so what what happened to you afterwards??????
oh wow that was entertaining and creepy at the same time
I laughed so hard I cried!! LOL LOL LOL!!!
Hahahahahaaa Now that made me laugh! Poor woman!
omg! I have never laughed so hard in my life. I am crying so hard I can barely type. Thanks
o my goodness. THE BEST STORY EVER!!! lol
ROFL. I hate it when that happens!
you can read the rest of this "story" here : http://www.betterliving.co.nz/net/forums/ShowPost.aspx?PostID=33619 or on one of MANY other websites by googling it.
OMG!!!!!! thank you so much!!!!!! HAHA I was laughing my butt off!! It made me forget that I actually had cancer!! Please post more if you have any!! Was that really ur story??!!??
I have read this before in a forwarded message... sounds like you copied and pasted this hun...
lool that was good
I'm waiting for the punch line [pardon the pun!] How in the heck did you manage to have two kids? Oh then again I understand
=O. wow. So you got your privates stuck together and your were stuck to the tub? wow. So can you add details I wnt to see the end of the story it was getting good!
Your Answer: -- I guess I am the only guy who ever did something dumb BUT-- when I was a kid-- I used to have extremely impacted ear wax--- I am old so this story will date me--- but I was at school-- and it is full panick-- the teacher and she tells us about the cuba missile crisis- that if the russians don't go there will be war--- and if there is war the school is going to send us home because they would rather we die with our families than die in school--- well, I am not perturbed in the least because I have bigger problems-- using a pencil I am playing with my ear wax--- it is only grade one or two--- but I managed using just a pencil to pull out the biggest ball of ear wax in history--- and I scared myself totally---- I totally panicked and thought I pulled my brains out--- well the air raid siren goes off and we are all told to go home and total panic issues with some kids crying and others screaming. well we are all running home-- I am running home with this giant ball of BRAINS in my hand , hoping when I get home my mother can put it back in my head--- well as I am running I open my hand again to take a quick peek and a slight breeze blew it away-- I stopped running -- even though there were kids running all over the place--- I thought O kay well if that was my brains how come I can still think--- then I felt like the stupidest person in the whole world and slowly walked home--- when I got home there was ever slight panic but not really as my mother is extremely tough in any situation when there is any kind of a threat--- as for myself--- cuban missile crisis --- hey I was thinking about other things--- when people ask about appocolypic stuff here I always remember the "Cuban Missile Crisis" --- I believe something like that would happen so fast , when it does happen you would be killed and not even aware of what happened--- in fact you could be stuck on a toilet reading a book or wondering where ear wax comes from or any number of things. only psychics will be able to say ohhh they launched.... I have enough time to count to 15 and then...... --- good luck with the waxing-- remember if it doesn't kill you it just makes you cry alot.
i heard it b4 its funny but it was funnier he first time
I cant do it its too long